My mind is running in a million different directions tonight. Mainly because the husband is working third shift tonight, and I have a hard time being here alone overnight. It's a long story. But, my anxiety levels shoot through the roof.
The weightloss thing is going pretty well. I am now down to 215 pounds. I have really been paying attention to what I eat and mindful of how many calories I am consuming on a daily basis. I have also been excersising alot more. I just want to say, I have found the most amazing personal trainer. I was nervous when I decided to get a trainer. I didn't want to end up with some bodybuilder type who had no clue what it was like to be fat. My trainer really has walked a mile in my shoes. He understands the obstacles that I face and he has been a great help. I feel more confident now, then ever, that I can reach not only my weightloss goal, but also my goal of completing the Chicago Marathon in 2011. There will also be 5 and 10ks run over the course of the next 11 months as I prepare for this event.
Today was a hard day emotionally. I don't know why. It was just one of those days where I felt so disconnected from life. In the past, I would usually just stuff my face with everything in sight. So not only was I dealing with feeling down today, I was also struggling with my emotional eating. However, I handled it well and found ways to distract myself when I felt like binging on the Halloween candy.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Seven
I have struggled with losing weight for as long as I can remember. It was always a case of "one step forward...six steps back." I hated it.
When the numbers where glaring at me, waving their arms in my face saying "Hey YOU! Yea, the one with the cookie in her mouth, YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF" I figured maybe it was time to actually do something.
It meant facing my food addiction.
It meant finding an accountability factor.
It meant being proacative.
The accountability came in the form of my Personal Trainer, Luke. He has walked the same path that I am on and came out a better, and healthier person. Our first meeting was the first time someone had looked at me and said "you can do this." Today, as I wiped the sweat off of my head, he told me that he was proud of me. That was the accountability I needed. He is great.
Being proactive came in the form of a food journal that I was required to keep as part of my "homework" Yes, my personal trainer gave me homework on my first day. :) I wrote everything down, and I was suddenly more aware of what I was putting into my mouth.
I didn't starve myself. I didn't take a single diet pill.
I worked hard. Harder then I have ever worked at this in my LIFE.
This morning, before I left to meet with Luke, I weighed myself.
216 pounds.
Last week at this time, I was 223.
Seven pounds that are gone and are never coming back. EVER.
My first goal is to hit 200 pounds. And then leave the 200's behind forever.
I am motivated. I am determined. I am EXCITED.
When the numbers where glaring at me, waving their arms in my face saying "Hey YOU! Yea, the one with the cookie in her mouth, YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF" I figured maybe it was time to actually do something.
It meant facing my food addiction.
It meant finding an accountability factor.
It meant being proacative.
The accountability came in the form of my Personal Trainer, Luke. He has walked the same path that I am on and came out a better, and healthier person. Our first meeting was the first time someone had looked at me and said "you can do this." Today, as I wiped the sweat off of my head, he told me that he was proud of me. That was the accountability I needed. He is great.
Being proactive came in the form of a food journal that I was required to keep as part of my "homework" Yes, my personal trainer gave me homework on my first day. :) I wrote everything down, and I was suddenly more aware of what I was putting into my mouth.
I didn't starve myself. I didn't take a single diet pill.
I worked hard. Harder then I have ever worked at this in my LIFE.
This morning, before I left to meet with Luke, I weighed myself.
216 pounds.
Last week at this time, I was 223.
Seven pounds that are gone and are never coming back. EVER.
My first goal is to hit 200 pounds. And then leave the 200's behind forever.
I am motivated. I am determined. I am EXCITED.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tomorrow Is Grocery Day...And That Scares Me
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| courtesy Wiki Commons |
I don't mind grocery shopping. I actually enjoy it. But, tomorrow's trip scares me.
To me, as a food addict, the grocery store is my "candy store." All the saturated fat one could want. And the sugar! Aisles and aisles packed with sugary goodness. Halloween candy for sale by the half ton. Fresh baked cookies and donuts. All of it, lining the shelves, calling me with its siren song. "Come, eat me. This is what you love."
Every two weeks I would make a promise to myself to not purchase those items. Every two weeks I break that promise and fill my cart with the unhealthy choices. Or, I purchase both healthy and unhealthy items. Can you guess what gets consumed first?
Tomorrow's trip scares me because I am now more aware of what I am consuming. For the longest time, I didn't think I had a problem. I mean, it is normal to eat the whole bag of chocolate, righ? ( I am being sarcastic here). But now, I know that I have to work that much harder to make better choices when it comes to bringing food into the house. And it's scary.
The temptation is going to be there...aisle after aisle...to revert back to the old habits.
But, I am currently experiencing the most successful weightloss EVER...down 6 pounds in a weeks time. I am inching closer to my short term goals. My long term goals are becoming more and more attainable.
Tomorrow I will face a large obstacle in my fight to overcome food addiction...and it scares me.
Monday, October 25, 2010
I've got a secret....
Those diet pills that you just paid $40.00 for? They don't work. Even if they do, the results are only short term. As soon as you stop...back up you go. I know from experience.
My personal trainer asked me last week, as I huffed and puffed on the treadmill, how much do I think that I have spent on diet pills trying to lose weight? I didn't have to hesitate. "Probably in the neighborhood of 3 to 4 hundred dollars." He smiled. "How much is your gym membership?" "$20.00" I got the point. I had spent all of that money on pills that made me sick and never produced the results that I wanted. My gym membership was a fraction of what those pills cost and I was already seeing results (and even with my personal training sessions tossed in there, it is still cheaper than many of the diet pills that line the shelves.)
Here is the thing. Many of us who are in the position to need those fat burning, lose 5 pounds a week without dieting pills are people who are battling obesity. We are chronic overeaters, emotional eaters, or in my case, food addicts. A pill isn't going to magically help us re-learn healthy habits. Popping a pill to speed up metabolisim and increase weightloss is not going to stop me from eating a bag of chips, a package of cookies, the large nachos from Burrito Loco (oh how I miss those nachos).
Losing weight is as much of an mental battle as physical. And those expensive pills? Won't help you develop long term, healthy eating habits.
It takes hard work. A lot of hard work. You have to want this. You have to want to make the changes that are necessary.
Nothing will change, no matter how many diet pills you purchase, unless you are in the mindset to want to change.
I would buy the pills, sold on the claim of being able to lose weight fast. But I never wanted to change. Or I wasn't ready to.
Once you are ready. Really ready. You will start to see a change. You will start to see the changes that you desire.
If you want it...you are going to have to work for it.
My personal trainer asked me last week, as I huffed and puffed on the treadmill, how much do I think that I have spent on diet pills trying to lose weight? I didn't have to hesitate. "Probably in the neighborhood of 3 to 4 hundred dollars." He smiled. "How much is your gym membership?" "$20.00" I got the point. I had spent all of that money on pills that made me sick and never produced the results that I wanted. My gym membership was a fraction of what those pills cost and I was already seeing results (and even with my personal training sessions tossed in there, it is still cheaper than many of the diet pills that line the shelves.)
Here is the thing. Many of us who are in the position to need those fat burning, lose 5 pounds a week without dieting pills are people who are battling obesity. We are chronic overeaters, emotional eaters, or in my case, food addicts. A pill isn't going to magically help us re-learn healthy habits. Popping a pill to speed up metabolisim and increase weightloss is not going to stop me from eating a bag of chips, a package of cookies, the large nachos from Burrito Loco (oh how I miss those nachos).
Losing weight is as much of an mental battle as physical. And those expensive pills? Won't help you develop long term, healthy eating habits.
It takes hard work. A lot of hard work. You have to want this. You have to want to make the changes that are necessary.
Nothing will change, no matter how many diet pills you purchase, unless you are in the mindset to want to change.
I would buy the pills, sold on the claim of being able to lose weight fast. But I never wanted to change. Or I wasn't ready to.
Once you are ready. Really ready. You will start to see a change. You will start to see the changes that you desire.
If you want it...you are going to have to work for it.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
But, you don't look fat
This picture was taken this past summer, at a family picnic. See, that is what I really look like when I am not hiding behind too baggy clothes. But, until recently, even that picture didn't kick my butt into gear. Because I hid behind the baggy clothes. Because I never wore jeans. I had myself convinced that I was not fat.In that picture, I had a problem. I was battling food adddiction, albeit poorly. But I refused to see it. I refused to admit it. I still remember what I ate that day. 3 Veggie burgers, a ton of chips and dip, desserts, and pop. Lots and lots of pop. Then I followed it up with leftover birthday cake when we got home that night. I didn't care.
I can honestly tell you that everytime I devoured a bag of chocolates, ordered the large nachoes with extra sour cream and salsa, the Brownie Earthquake at DQ, I didnt care what the effects of eating that food, repeatedly, was doing to me. Sure, I felt guilty after the fact. But it never stopped me.
I used to smile when someone would tell me that I didn't look fat. Because it meant that I was hiding it well.
I used to be ashamed of pictures like the above, but i know now that those pictures are tools that I want to use to inspire others and let them know, you are not alone.
Friday, October 22, 2010
It needs to be said
Writing this post is probably one of the hardest things I have done. Ever. I contemplated even writing it, because it would leave me so exposed. I hate that feeling. But, I know that it needs to be said. More for my accountability reasons then anything else. Judge me if you wish. But I have started a new leg of my journey to day...and I need to be honest. Especially if I want to succeed.
When you hear the word addiction, what do you think of? Me, I think of things such as drugs, sex, pills, alcohol, gambling. You know, things that are either A.)Unhealthy or B.)Have a potential to have a profoundly negative effect on your life. Until today,I never even toyed with the notion that I might be battling an addiction.
A food addiction.
Today, I walked into the gym where I was to meet with a personal trainer for a "consultation". I was really embarrassed. What was he going to think of me? Thisoverweight obese girl who couldn't seem to get her weight under control. I was forced to be honest. We talked about my eating habits. My goals. My problems.
Then he asked me a question I have never been asked before: Do you think you might be addicted to food?
I almost laughed. Addicted? No. That is for people that weigh 500 pounds and can't do anything without having some sort of food in their hand. You know, the people who mindlessly eat an entire bag of chocolate in a day?
Wait.
I can't sit and read a book or watch television without having something to snack on. I can't walk past the cupboard in the kitchen without snagging a piece of chocolate or four. Me. Food is my crutch. When I am stressed, sad, angry, whatever, I turn to food.
Turns out, I am more than just an emotional eater. I am addicted to food.
Admiting that brings tears to my eyes. Because, for the first time, I truly see that this is bigger than me. This is bigger than anything I have ever experienced in my life.
But, that doesn't mean that I can't change. And it doesn't mean I won't.
While I was sitting in that room with my personal trainer, he took my measurements again...
Turns out, I did do it wrong the other day...
My hips are not 43 inches. They are 52inches.
My blood pressure was 173 over something. Dangerously high.
The numbers where there. The facts where there. There was no denying who I had let myself become.
Today I found out I was a food addict.
Today is also the first day of the rest of my new life.
I will beat this.
I will succeed.
When you hear the word addiction, what do you think of? Me, I think of things such as drugs, sex, pills, alcohol, gambling. You know, things that are either A.)Unhealthy or B.)Have a potential to have a profoundly negative effect on your life. Until today,I never even toyed with the notion that I might be battling an addiction.
A food addiction.
Today, I walked into the gym where I was to meet with a personal trainer for a "consultation". I was really embarrassed. What was he going to think of me? This
Then he asked me a question I have never been asked before: Do you think you might be addicted to food?
I almost laughed. Addicted? No. That is for people that weigh 500 pounds and can't do anything without having some sort of food in their hand. You know, the people who mindlessly eat an entire bag of chocolate in a day?
Wait.
I can't sit and read a book or watch television without having something to snack on. I can't walk past the cupboard in the kitchen without snagging a piece of chocolate or four. Me. Food is my crutch. When I am stressed, sad, angry, whatever, I turn to food.
Turns out, I am more than just an emotional eater. I am addicted to food.
Admiting that brings tears to my eyes. Because, for the first time, I truly see that this is bigger than me. This is bigger than anything I have ever experienced in my life.
But, that doesn't mean that I can't change. And it doesn't mean I won't.
While I was sitting in that room with my personal trainer, he took my measurements again...
Turns out, I did do it wrong the other day...
My hips are not 43 inches. They are 52inches.
My blood pressure was 173 over something. Dangerously high.
The numbers where there. The facts where there. There was no denying who I had let myself become.
Today I found out I was a food addict.
Today is also the first day of the rest of my new life.
I will beat this.
I will succeed.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
10 things about me
Emily over at From Fat Girl To Thin posted her Ten Things blog post in an effort to give her readers insight into who she is. She then invited us to do the same. So, without further ado I give you
Ten Things About Me
1.) I am terrified of spiders. Even tiny ones. And it grosses me out when Aidan brings me a spider he killed in his room.
2.) I work from home as a freelance writer, editor, and writing coach. I also recently joined Beachbody as a coach because I wanted to help others achieve their goals.
3.) I love horror movies. Especially "old school" ones. Arachnaphobia is one of my favorites. (go figure)
4.)I strive to eat as organic and clean as possible.
5.)I am planning on running the Chicago Marathon in 2011
6.)The last time I actually ran a mile was in highschool
7.) I love to cook. I love to bake.
8.)Fall and Winter are my two favorite times of year. I love decorating for the holidays.
9.)I will listen to just about any kind of music. Except rap.
10.)I love playing World Of Warcraft!
Ten Things About Me
1.) I am terrified of spiders. Even tiny ones. And it grosses me out when Aidan brings me a spider he killed in his room.
2.) I work from home as a freelance writer, editor, and writing coach. I also recently joined Beachbody as a coach because I wanted to help others achieve their goals.
3.) I love horror movies. Especially "old school" ones. Arachnaphobia is one of my favorites. (go figure)
4.)I strive to eat as organic and clean as possible.
5.)I am planning on running the Chicago Marathon in 2011
6.)The last time I actually ran a mile was in highschool
7.) I love to cook. I love to bake.
8.)Fall and Winter are my two favorite times of year. I love decorating for the holidays.
9.)I will listen to just about any kind of music. Except rap.
10.)I love playing World Of Warcraft!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Scales May Lie,But Tape Measures Never Do
Tonight has been a night of tears and asking "why did i do this to myself?" I faced a harsh realty tonight when I stepped on the scale. Yep, you guessed it. Another gain. This makes a grand total of 4 pounds in 2 weeks.
After taking to Facebook to bemoan yet another gain, someone asked me if I had measured inches. I grabbed my trusty tape measure, confident that the scale was just stupid and I had indeed lost some inches.
This is where reality slappend me in the face. Hard.
My waist is 43 inches. The healthy range is 22 to 23 inches.
I even googled how to measure your waist because I was sure I was wrong.
I measured 4 times.
It was still 43 inches.
I then decided that I needed to know what my body fat percentage was.
I wish I hadn't done that.
It is 47.2%.
I stared at that number for a few minutes as tears filled my eyes. I tried a few other websites, convinced each one was wrong.
The results where all the same.
That is where the questioning came in. How could I be so blind as to not pay attention to what I was doing to my body? How could I let myself get to this point?
I will admit, I haven't been as strict this week with going to the gym...thank you ankle. And I probably should be more mindful of what I am putting in my body. I caught myself mindlessly eating through out the last week.
This isn't acceptable. I deserve better. I want better.
No more excuses. No more "i can't"s.
It changes NOW.
After taking to Facebook to bemoan yet another gain, someone asked me if I had measured inches. I grabbed my trusty tape measure, confident that the scale was just stupid and I had indeed lost some inches.
This is where reality slappend me in the face. Hard.
My waist is 43 inches. The healthy range is 22 to 23 inches.
I even googled how to measure your waist because I was sure I was wrong.
I measured 4 times.
It was still 43 inches.
I then decided that I needed to know what my body fat percentage was.
I wish I hadn't done that.
It is 47.2%.
I stared at that number for a few minutes as tears filled my eyes. I tried a few other websites, convinced each one was wrong.
The results where all the same.
That is where the questioning came in. How could I be so blind as to not pay attention to what I was doing to my body? How could I let myself get to this point?
I will admit, I haven't been as strict this week with going to the gym...thank you ankle. And I probably should be more mindful of what I am putting in my body. I caught myself mindlessly eating through out the last week.
This isn't acceptable. I deserve better. I want better.
No more excuses. No more "i can't"s.
It changes NOW.
Sometimes you deserve a little treat
When I first started on my journey to be a better and thinner me, I had visions of endless salad bowls running through my head. And it scared me. Not that I don't love salads, but there is only so much of one food that you can eat before you feel ill at the mere mention of the word. That was before I knew that there were healthier versions of the food that I love.
Take this Trader Joe's Mini Chocolate Bar. One serving is 3 bars for a total of 190 calories. I eat one, cut my calorie intake, and satisfy my raging sweet tooth ;)
Buffalo Wild Wings is one my favorite places to eat. I love boneless wings. Especially Honey BBQ. But, like most resturant foods of that nature, it is loaded with calories, fat, sodium, all the things I am trying to limit in my daily diet.
I was stoked with I found this recipe for Boneless Honey BBQ Wings, over on TrainerMomma. (Her blog is one of my favorites to turn to for yummy recipes)
Ingredients:
Boneless chicken tenderloin. (one package was enough for my family)
1/2 cup BBQ sauce. Look for one that is low in sugars. Open Pit was the only brand that I found in my supermarket that was less then 9g sugar
2 Tbs Honey.
Garlic Powder
Salt and Pepper
What To Do:
Combine BBQ sauce and honey in a bowl and set aside.
Sprinkle the salt and pepper and garlic powder on the chicken
Place in a single layer in a skillet (you may have to do this in batches)
Cook. (3-5 minutes on each side)
Put the cooked "wings" in a bowl, pour BBQ mix over them and toss to coat.
These bad boys are y-u-m-m-y!
I served mine with steamed green beans.
Enjoy!
Take this Trader Joe's Mini Chocolate Bar. One serving is 3 bars for a total of 190 calories. I eat one, cut my calorie intake, and satisfy my raging sweet tooth ;)
Buffalo Wild Wings is one my favorite places to eat. I love boneless wings. Especially Honey BBQ. But, like most resturant foods of that nature, it is loaded with calories, fat, sodium, all the things I am trying to limit in my daily diet.
I was stoked with I found this recipe for Boneless Honey BBQ Wings, over on TrainerMomma. (Her blog is one of my favorites to turn to for yummy recipes)
Ingredients:
Boneless chicken tenderloin. (one package was enough for my family)
1/2 cup BBQ sauce. Look for one that is low in sugars. Open Pit was the only brand that I found in my supermarket that was less then 9g sugar
2 Tbs Honey.
Garlic Powder
Salt and Pepper
What To Do:
Combine BBQ sauce and honey in a bowl and set aside.
Sprinkle the salt and pepper and garlic powder on the chicken
Place in a single layer in a skillet (you may have to do this in batches)
Cook. (3-5 minutes on each side)
Put the cooked "wings" in a bowl, pour BBQ mix over them and toss to coat.
These bad boys are y-u-m-m-y!
I served mine with steamed green beans.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Daily Fit Challenge: What Motivates You?
Motivation. There is a reason that you are doing the things that you are doing. Maybe it was a scare from a doctor, maybe it is your family, maybe it is because you want to wear skinny jeans. Whatever it may be, there is something that motivates you.
For today's Fit Challenge, I want you to identify what motivates you and write about it. Blogging creates accountability. Accountability creates results. What is your why for this journey?
Here is mine:
I have four children and a husband. There have been so many times that I have had to sit on the sidelines because I lacked the energy to play with them. It hurt me. It hurt them. No longer was I the mom who would play tag or climb the playground equipment. I was the mom that sat on the bench and watched. I wanted to be the mom who would plop down on the floor and play cars instead of saying no because I couldn't get my behind back up afterwards. My children motivate me because I don't want them to develop unhealthy habits. My husband motivates me because he loves me. He wants me to be around for a long time. I want to be a wife he can be proud of.
So, what motivates you?
Come on back and leave a link in the comment section with your post.
For today's Fit Challenge, I want you to identify what motivates you and write about it. Blogging creates accountability. Accountability creates results. What is your why for this journey?
Here is mine:
I have four children and a husband. There have been so many times that I have had to sit on the sidelines because I lacked the energy to play with them. It hurt me. It hurt them. No longer was I the mom who would play tag or climb the playground equipment. I was the mom that sat on the bench and watched. I wanted to be the mom who would plop down on the floor and play cars instead of saying no because I couldn't get my behind back up afterwards. My children motivate me because I don't want them to develop unhealthy habits. My husband motivates me because he loves me. He wants me to be around for a long time. I want to be a wife he can be proud of.
So, what motivates you?
Come on back and leave a link in the comment section with your post.
Monday, October 18, 2010
New Facebook Page
I have just created a Facebook Page "Get Motivated, Get Fit, Get Moving"
I hope you will join me there as well as here :)
Have a great night!
I hope you will join me there as well as here :)
Have a great night!
Chocolate Almond Butter Banana Smoothie
After a great trip to Trader Joe's (it was my first trip, why did no one tell me about this store sooner...love it) I was the proud owner of Creamy Almond Butter with Sea Salt. I love this stuff. I also got a good deal on more bananas (19 cents a pound).
This afternoon I was craving something chocolate. So I decided to get a little creative with the ingredients that I had on hand...the end result? A wonderful, creamy, and satisfying smoothie!
Ingredients:
1 Banana
2 Tbs Almond Butter
Chocolate Almond Milk (I used just under 1/2 cup)
Handful of ice.
What To Do:
Toss it all in a blender and blend!
You can adjust the amount of Almond Butter if you want a smoothie that is a little thicker.
Enjoy!
This afternoon I was craving something chocolate. So I decided to get a little creative with the ingredients that I had on hand...the end result? A wonderful, creamy, and satisfying smoothie!
Ingredients:
1 Banana
2 Tbs Almond Butter
Chocolate Almond Milk (I used just under 1/2 cup)
Handful of ice.
What To Do:
Toss it all in a blender and blend!
You can adjust the amount of Almond Butter if you want a smoothie that is a little thicker.
Enjoy!
Fit Challenge Day 1: If You Bite It You Gotta Write It!
Well, it's time to start my first ever Daily Fit Challenge.
Here is how it will work:
Each day I will post a challenge. All you need to do is complete the challenge and come back here and comment. (Please make sure to link to my blog in your post and leave a direct link for your post in the comments)
It will be different everyday and will range from excersises to food to just about anything fit related.
Today's Challenge:
Start a food journal. Write down what you eat, even if it is just a bite. For more accountability, post it to your blog.
Happy Monday!
Here is how it will work:
Each day I will post a challenge. All you need to do is complete the challenge and come back here and comment. (Please make sure to link to my blog in your post and leave a direct link for your post in the comments)
It will be different everyday and will range from excersises to food to just about anything fit related.
Today's Challenge:
Start a food journal. Write down what you eat, even if it is just a bite. For more accountability, post it to your blog.
Happy Monday!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
5 Miles
One of the things that I love about the town that I live in, is the abundance of trails. All paved. All well maintained. This morning, instead of pounding it out on the treadmill, I decided to walk/run a path that I had discovered after moving to this house. 2 hours later I was dragging my sorry butt in the door, feeling like someone had taken all the muscles in my legs and s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d them to the breaking point...holy cow!
It was roughly 5 miles round trip and while I didn't run as much as I wanted to, I did run some.
Today was also a frustrating day. I am facing a gain going into the week. It isn't much. But, it is enough to leave me feeling discouraged today. I had tears in my eyes when I told my husband..."I don't think I can do this..." I was frustrated. Discouraged. Dissapointed in myself.
After a small pity party, I decided that I needed to step it up a notch...I needed to do more then what I was already doing, push myself harder, eat that much better.
Success is the only option. I need to do something to kick this into gear.
Don't forget about my fit challenges starting tomorrow. :)
Also, look for the Facebook Page (if I ever decide on a title) to launch this week as well
It was roughly 5 miles round trip and while I didn't run as much as I wanted to, I did run some.
Today was also a frustrating day. I am facing a gain going into the week. It isn't much. But, it is enough to leave me feeling discouraged today. I had tears in my eyes when I told my husband..."I don't think I can do this..." I was frustrated. Discouraged. Dissapointed in myself.
After a small pity party, I decided that I needed to step it up a notch...I needed to do more then what I was already doing, push myself harder, eat that much better.
Success is the only option. I need to do something to kick this into gear.
Don't forget about my fit challenges starting tomorrow. :)
Also, look for the Facebook Page (if I ever decide on a title) to launch this week as well
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Buy Now And Pay Later
That is kind of a bizzare title for a blog post...but stick with me, I have a point.
What does buy now and pay later mean to you? It simply means that you purchase something now and pay for it down the road, right?
Think about your eating habits for a moment. Do you find yourself "buying now" while promising to "pay later"?
Huh?
What I mean is, do you justify eating that extra slice of pizza or eating that cake by telling yourself you will work it off later?
See, told you I had a point.
You are "buying" the food now and "paying" for it later with a longer workout.
Maybe.
But, later doesn't always come. You get busy with life, and forget about the debt you have incurred on your health. Is it worth it?
All of your hard work means nothing if you are constantly promising to pay for it later. Sure, you have the best of intentions when you order that burger...and ultimately, you will pay for it. With your health and well-being.
You need to really stop and think if it worth the price you will pay to "buy now" and "pay later".
What does buy now and pay later mean to you? It simply means that you purchase something now and pay for it down the road, right?
Think about your eating habits for a moment. Do you find yourself "buying now" while promising to "pay later"?
Huh?
What I mean is, do you justify eating that extra slice of pizza or eating that cake by telling yourself you will work it off later?
See, told you I had a point.
You are "buying" the food now and "paying" for it later with a longer workout.
Maybe.
But, later doesn't always come. You get busy with life, and forget about the debt you have incurred on your health. Is it worth it?
All of your hard work means nothing if you are constantly promising to pay for it later. Sure, you have the best of intentions when you order that burger...and ultimately, you will pay for it. With your health and well-being.
You need to really stop and think if it worth the price you will pay to "buy now" and "pay later".
Friday, October 15, 2010
Fit Challenges...Starting Monday
We all need accountability, and in some cases, just a swift kick in the rear to get going.
Starting Monday, I will be posting daily fit challenges. We will start of small and easy and progress as time goes on.
Please be sure to invite your friends to follow along as well.
(Facebook Page will be launching next week as well)
Starting Monday, I will be posting daily fit challenges. We will start of small and easy and progress as time goes on.
Please be sure to invite your friends to follow along as well.
(Facebook Page will be launching next week as well)
Don't Eat That Salad!
So, you are finally starting to get the hang of this eating better thing. When you go to lunch with the co-workers, you opt for the salad over other,seemingly more unhealty options.
Before you choose that salad in the cafeteria or resturant, consider this....that salad may have the potential to carry more fat and more calories then that chicken sandwich.
Those large salads are packed with cheeses, creamy fattening dressings,fried chicken.
Some Examples (Source)
Chili's Caesar Salad With Grilled Chicken and Caesar Dressing: 1010 calories
Chili's Boneless Buffalo Chicken Salad:870 Calories
Quiznos'Chicken With Honey Mustard Flat Bread Salad: 1300 Calories
T.G.I. Friday's Pecan Crusted Chicken Salad: 750 Calories
When you are trying to lose weight, those salads (and many more) are a sure fire sabatoge.
So, how can you avoid the calorie traps of those salads?
Simple!
Make your own salad. Measure out greens such as spinach or romaine ( iceburg has little nutritional value). About a cup should be good. Add fresh veggies. Instead of those high calorie creamy dressings toss with Light Olive Oil or a Balsamic Vinegrette.
If you must eat a resturant salad, opt for a side salad with no cheese, dressing on the side. Order a grilled chicken breast and add it to your salad.
Happy Eating!
Before you choose that salad in the cafeteria or resturant, consider this....that salad may have the potential to carry more fat and more calories then that chicken sandwich.
Those large salads are packed with cheeses, creamy fattening dressings,fried chicken.
Some Examples (Source)
Chili's Caesar Salad With Grilled Chicken and Caesar Dressing: 1010 calories
Chili's Boneless Buffalo Chicken Salad:870 Calories
Quiznos'Chicken With Honey Mustard Flat Bread Salad: 1300 Calories
T.G.I. Friday's Pecan Crusted Chicken Salad: 750 Calories
When you are trying to lose weight, those salads (and many more) are a sure fire sabatoge.
So, how can you avoid the calorie traps of those salads?
Simple!
Make your own salad. Measure out greens such as spinach or romaine ( iceburg has little nutritional value). About a cup should be good. Add fresh veggies. Instead of those high calorie creamy dressings toss with Light Olive Oil or a Balsamic Vinegrette.
If you must eat a resturant salad, opt for a side salad with no cheese, dressing on the side. Order a grilled chicken breast and add it to your salad.
Happy Eating!
Sometimes You Need To Run With It
Over the course of the last couple weeks, I have found myself immersed in the all things diet,excersise,and nutrition. I realized something. I liked this world that I found myself in. Not only have I met some of the most supportive people, but I found myself wanting to be more then "just a fat girl". I knew that by the time this journey was well underway, as it will never be done, I wanted to be in a position to help others. Others who are going through the same things that I did and was. Going forward, I am hoping to become certified in nutrition as well as fitness. (See, told ya I like this)
As of right now, I am a BeachBody Coach. I am very excited to be embarking on this journey and to be sharing this with you.
As of right now, I am a BeachBody Coach. I am very excited to be embarking on this journey and to be sharing this with you.
Move It!
This morning I woke up with the beginnings of a cold. My body hurt from yesterday. ( I went to them gym, did the treadmill for 20 mins and followed that with some weights. Then took my kids for a long walk to the park where we ran and climbed for two hours). I was exhausted. So, I decided to forgo the gym this morning. Husband left for work. I had breakfast. The kids went to play in their room and I sat on the couch.
I felt this nagging in my brain. You know, the one where you feel like you forgot something but can't quiet remember what it was? Yea, that was me this morning. It bugged me.
Then I realized what it was. I needed to do some sort of excersise. Anything. Over the last week, my body had become accustomed to working out in some form for atleast 30 minutes. As tired and achey as I was. I needed to do something.
So, I pulled out my Yoga mat and indulged in Jillan Michaels "Yoga Meltdown" which promptly kicked my butt. Once that was done, I wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. I had never done Yoga before. (Should have thought of that first, huh?) But my goal is atleast 30 to 45 minutes of cardio a day. So, I ran. I put in 15 minutes of non stop running. I wanted to do more, but my ankle was on fire!
The moral of the story is simple- MOVE IT. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do something. Yoga and running helped put me in the right frame of mind for my day.
What have you done today?
I felt this nagging in my brain. You know, the one where you feel like you forgot something but can't quiet remember what it was? Yea, that was me this morning. It bugged me.
Then I realized what it was. I needed to do some sort of excersise. Anything. Over the last week, my body had become accustomed to working out in some form for atleast 30 minutes. As tired and achey as I was. I needed to do something.
So, I pulled out my Yoga mat and indulged in Jillan Michaels "Yoga Meltdown" which promptly kicked my butt. Once that was done, I wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. I had never done Yoga before. (Should have thought of that first, huh?) But my goal is atleast 30 to 45 minutes of cardio a day. So, I ran. I put in 15 minutes of non stop running. I wanted to do more, but my ankle was on fire!
The moral of the story is simple- MOVE IT. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do something. Yoga and running helped put me in the right frame of mind for my day.
What have you done today?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same (Weigh In Weds)
Yep, it's Wednesday. You know what the means, right? Weigh In Wednesdays over on Fat Girl To Thin!
Well, nothing has changed on this end. Then again, I weighed myself last on Friday, so maybe by then I will see a decrease. Trust me, I am not complaining. I have been seeing small successes over the last couple of weeks, so I am not about to knock a week of no change.
I think my holding steady this week may have something to do with going to the gym. My body is still trying to figure out what I am doing to it.
On that end, I am going to have to suck it up and call the doctor. My ankle is horrible. It hurts like no tomorrow. The location of the pain has me fairly certain that it is my Achillies Tendon. Not Good. Because the only effective treatment? Rest it. Seriously, it figures I would just get in the groove of this workout thing and my ankle would say "Hasta La Viesta Baby!" I tool this morning off from the gym hoping my ankle would feel a little better, but alas, it still hurts. I am planning to hit the gym in the morning. So, I will wrap it up, slow it down on the treadmill and probably shorten my workout. As long as I get SOME in tomorrow, all is good.
I am preparing to jump in with both feet to my marathon training next week. There is also a 5/10k Harvest run coming up, so I am gearing up for that as well.
Life has been insanely busy. But I love it :)
Well, nothing has changed on this end. Then again, I weighed myself last on Friday, so maybe by then I will see a decrease. Trust me, I am not complaining. I have been seeing small successes over the last couple of weeks, so I am not about to knock a week of no change.
I think my holding steady this week may have something to do with going to the gym. My body is still trying to figure out what I am doing to it.
On that end, I am going to have to suck it up and call the doctor. My ankle is horrible. It hurts like no tomorrow. The location of the pain has me fairly certain that it is my Achillies Tendon. Not Good. Because the only effective treatment? Rest it. Seriously, it figures I would just get in the groove of this workout thing and my ankle would say "Hasta La Viesta Baby!" I tool this morning off from the gym hoping my ankle would feel a little better, but alas, it still hurts. I am planning to hit the gym in the morning. So, I will wrap it up, slow it down on the treadmill and probably shorten my workout. As long as I get SOME in tomorrow, all is good.
I am preparing to jump in with both feet to my marathon training next week. There is also a 5/10k Harvest run coming up, so I am gearing up for that as well.
Life has been insanely busy. But I love it :)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I will be your biggest cheerleader
I know how hard it can be to want to lose weight, but have limited support. I know what it feels like to be so discouraged that you wonder why you even bother.
I want you to know, that if you are currently struggling with your weight, you are not alone.
If you question whether or not you can do this, I will be the first person to tell you that you can.
I will cry with you, celebrate with you, support you, and cheer you on.
If you are on a journey to be a healthier you...
Join me and we can do this...
Together
I want you to know, that if you are currently struggling with your weight, you are not alone.
If you question whether or not you can do this, I will be the first person to tell you that you can.
I will cry with you, celebrate with you, support you, and cheer you on.
If you are on a journey to be a healthier you...
Join me and we can do this...
Together
Monday, October 11, 2010
The Date Has Been Set
Mark your calendars. Be prepared to meet me at the finish line. I. Am. Doing. It.
The Event: The Chicago Marathon 2011
The Place: Chicago, Il
The Date: October 9th 2011
I am going to be running for the MMRF (The Multiple Myeloma Reaseach Foundation) with the Active.com team. I will complete my registration this week.
This part of my journey is going to be the most life changing journey yet.
The Event: The Chicago Marathon 2011
The Place: Chicago, Il
The Date: October 9th 2011
I am going to be running for the MMRF (The Multiple Myeloma Reaseach Foundation) with the Active.com team. I will complete my registration this week.
This part of my journey is going to be the most life changing journey yet.
Treadmills Scare Me
I went to the gym again today even though my legs were yelling at me to stay home. I followed my hour at the gym with a long walk with the kids. My leg muscles are tight. So tight it hurts to touch them. Or look at them.
Today, I got on the treadmill. I wanted to run, but my ankle dictated otherwise. ( I am thinking at this point it is my Achilies Tendon...which I refuse to acknowledge because that would mean downtime for me). So I walked. Fast.
Treadmills scare me. I kept having visions of falling off. The more I thought about it, the more I was worried. Made for an interesting workout lol.
It was a good workout. I burned over 100 calories, logged a good amount of miles on the bike and just under a mile on the treadmill.
Contemplating returning tomorrow. But, I think my legs might need a day off.
Today, I got on the treadmill. I wanted to run, but my ankle dictated otherwise. ( I am thinking at this point it is my Achilies Tendon...which I refuse to acknowledge because that would mean downtime for me). So I walked. Fast.
Treadmills scare me. I kept having visions of falling off. The more I thought about it, the more I was worried. Made for an interesting workout lol.
It was a good workout. I burned over 100 calories, logged a good amount of miles on the bike and just under a mile on the treadmill.
Contemplating returning tomorrow. But, I think my legs might need a day off.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
It only hurts for a minute....
In an effort to keep the weightloss train rolling, I went to the gym today, to just try it out. I have never been to a gym. Well, unless you count highschool, which I don't. So I was hesitant.
I had originally decided that I was only going to use my one day guest pass and just try it out. But after getting a tour, and talking with a staff member I decided to jump in with both feet and sign up. (FYI: Cardinal Fitness has a SWEET deal right now...it cost me less then 20 bucks to join)
I worked out for about 45 minutes....
And now, 12 hours later, my legs feel like they are ready to fall off. It probably didn't help that I went for a long walk this afternoon.
After getting home from the gym, I felt energized, albeit sore, and didn't want to just sit here. I wanted to go back. In fact, I hated leaving in the first place...lol
I am totally stoked to be getting a free personal training session in the coming week.
I am going to the gym again tomorrow...
Although I think my legs want me to go it alone...
I had originally decided that I was only going to use my one day guest pass and just try it out. But after getting a tour, and talking with a staff member I decided to jump in with both feet and sign up. (FYI: Cardinal Fitness has a SWEET deal right now...it cost me less then 20 bucks to join)
I worked out for about 45 minutes....
And now, 12 hours later, my legs feel like they are ready to fall off. It probably didn't help that I went for a long walk this afternoon.
After getting home from the gym, I felt energized, albeit sore, and didn't want to just sit here. I wanted to go back. In fact, I hated leaving in the first place...lol
I am totally stoked to be getting a free personal training session in the coming week.
I am going to the gym again tomorrow...
Although I think my legs want me to go it alone...
Saturday, October 9, 2010
3-Bean Salad...The Healthier Way
I had two cans of Chickpeas, a can of Cannelini Beans and, a can of Black Beans that were sitting in my pantry. The original idea was to make Sauteed Greens w/ Cannelini beans, a dip with the black ones, and pasta w/ chickpeas. When it came time to make a dish, I didn't. I have never been a bean fan. So, the cans sat in my pantry. Waiting.
Today, I am still on the "high" of meeting my first weightloss goal and have been very aware of what I am eating. I had a Strawberry/Bananna Smoothie for breakfast, Baked Potatoe with a breadstick for lunch. So for dinner I wanted to be creative
So without further Ado I give you:
Melissa's 3 Bean Salad (yes, I googled to make sure chickpeas were beans lol)
Ingredients:
1 can each: Chickpeas, Cannelini beans, and Black beans. (Dry beans are always a better choice, but are more time consuming)
Tomatoe
Onion
Olive Oil
2 Tbsp Light Italian Dressing (the 10 cal version)
What To Do:
Dump the beans into a microwaveable bowl. Heat for 2 to 3 minutes. Then pop them in the fridge to cool.
Once the beans are cool, add chopped tomatoe and onion.
Toss with a little bit of Olive Oil and 2 Tbs Italian dressing
Eat!
Today, I am still on the "high" of meeting my first weightloss goal and have been very aware of what I am eating. I had a Strawberry/Bananna Smoothie for breakfast, Baked Potatoe with a breadstick for lunch. So for dinner I wanted to be creative
So without further Ado I give you:
Melissa's 3 Bean Salad (yes, I googled to make sure chickpeas were beans lol)
Ingredients:
1 can each: Chickpeas, Cannelini beans, and Black beans. (Dry beans are always a better choice, but are more time consuming)
Tomatoe
Onion
Olive Oil
2 Tbsp Light Italian Dressing (the 10 cal version)
What To Do:
Dump the beans into a microwaveable bowl. Heat for 2 to 3 minutes. Then pop them in the fridge to cool.
Once the beans are cool, add chopped tomatoe and onion.
Toss with a little bit of Olive Oil and 2 Tbs Italian dressing
Eat!
It Starts With Awareness
Yesterday, I was surpised to have not only met my 1st weight loss goal, but to have passed it by 1 pound as well. Given the fact that I tend to see a lot of flucuation in my weight, I had expected, at the most, a pound or two.
After yesterdays success (and a grand total of 5 pounds lost this week) I got to thinking. How did I finally get to the point where I was seeing consistent weight loss?
It starts with awareness.
You can have the best intentions in the world when it comes to eating healthier, but if you aren't aware of what you are putting into your body, then you are setting yourself up for a very hard road.
Being aware of what you are putting into your body will lead to better choices. Better choices lead to results. Results lead to more awareness. It is a circle.
When I really took a look at the things that I was eating, I became more aware of what I was putting in my body. I was more aware of the crap that I was consuming on a daily basis. It made me think twice about ordering those nachoes I love.
By being more aware of what you are eating and what options are available to you, you will be more successful as you journey down this path.
After yesterdays success (and a grand total of 5 pounds lost this week) I got to thinking. How did I finally get to the point where I was seeing consistent weight loss?
It starts with awareness.
You can have the best intentions in the world when it comes to eating healthier, but if you aren't aware of what you are putting into your body, then you are setting yourself up for a very hard road.
Being aware of what you are putting into your body will lead to better choices. Better choices lead to results. Results lead to more awareness. It is a circle.
When I really took a look at the things that I was eating, I became more aware of what I was putting in my body. I was more aware of the crap that I was consuming on a daily basis. It made me think twice about ordering those nachoes I love.
By being more aware of what you are eating and what options are available to you, you will be more successful as you journey down this path.
Friday, October 8, 2010
First Weight Loss Goal...Officially MET!!!
....and the crowd goes wild!
It has been hard for me to lose weight. I would lose a little and gain it back. It was frustrating as hell.
My long term goal: 160 pounds. My short term goal: To weight 220 pounds for the first time in over TWO years. When I started this, I was at 232 pounds. I would lose a few pounds only to find myself gaining it right back. I was ready to give up.
On Monday of this week, I weighed 224 pounds. Still 4 pounds shy of my goal. Soo close, yet so far away...
Today, I stepped on the scale and took a deep breath. I was hoping for just a pound or two....
I closed my eyes. When I opened them I looked at the display....
Tears actually welled up in my eyes when the numbers didn't read 220
Instead they read....
219.
Yes! That is 5 pounds this week baby! I cried. I was sooo excited. I have not weighed less then 230 pounds since morgan was about 6 months old. (She is now 3) Now to be fair, 9 of those months I was pregnant...
I am excited. I am also renewed! I feel great!
Next goal: 210 pounds.
I am now 59 pounds away from my long term weight goal.
:)
It has been hard for me to lose weight. I would lose a little and gain it back. It was frustrating as hell.
My long term goal: 160 pounds. My short term goal: To weight 220 pounds for the first time in over TWO years. When I started this, I was at 232 pounds. I would lose a few pounds only to find myself gaining it right back. I was ready to give up.
On Monday of this week, I weighed 224 pounds. Still 4 pounds shy of my goal. Soo close, yet so far away...
Today, I stepped on the scale and took a deep breath. I was hoping for just a pound or two....
I closed my eyes. When I opened them I looked at the display....
Tears actually welled up in my eyes when the numbers didn't read 220
Instead they read....
219.
Yes! That is 5 pounds this week baby! I cried. I was sooo excited. I have not weighed less then 230 pounds since morgan was about 6 months old. (She is now 3) Now to be fair, 9 of those months I was pregnant...
I am excited. I am also renewed! I feel great!
Next goal: 210 pounds.
I am now 59 pounds away from my long term weight goal.
:)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
I am reminded of that country song that goes: "Life's a dance, you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow,Don't worry bout what you don't know, life's a dance you learn as you go (John Michael Montgomery)
So, last week, I was happy because my weight had stayed the same. So it was right around 222 pounds. But, I also knew that last week was also a stressful week. We were moving. And of course, as is normal protocal for moving, we ate a lot of crap (That is protocal right? hehe) So I wasn't too surprised that when I stepped on the scale and saw a gain. It wasn't much. I weight 224 pounds. I am still on target to hit my first goal weight of 220 pounds in the next 7 days...if I pay attention to what I am eating.
So, why am I reminded of that John Michael Montgomery song? Because I am learning as I go. I am learning to eat this and not that. I am learning that drinking calories is one of the biggest ways to mess up your weight loss. I can't worry about the things that I don't know. I am walking a path that I haven't walked before, and the terrain is unfamilar, but I am learning as I go.
Weigh in Weds is just a day and a half away. I am hoping to have lost a pound or two between now and then,
So, last week, I was happy because my weight had stayed the same. So it was right around 222 pounds. But, I also knew that last week was also a stressful week. We were moving. And of course, as is normal protocal for moving, we ate a lot of crap (That is protocal right? hehe) So I wasn't too surprised that when I stepped on the scale and saw a gain. It wasn't much. I weight 224 pounds. I am still on target to hit my first goal weight of 220 pounds in the next 7 days...if I pay attention to what I am eating.
So, why am I reminded of that John Michael Montgomery song? Because I am learning as I go. I am learning to eat this and not that. I am learning that drinking calories is one of the biggest ways to mess up your weight loss. I can't worry about the things that I don't know. I am walking a path that I haven't walked before, and the terrain is unfamilar, but I am learning as I go.
Weigh in Weds is just a day and a half away. I am hoping to have lost a pound or two between now and then,
Drinking Your Calories
 |
| Image via Wiki Commons |
A couple of months back I purchased her Master Your Metabolisim books in an attempt to find a way of eating that would work for me. One of the things that she stresses in the book is "not to drink your calories."
I will be honest, I didn't really give it much thought at first. I figured as long as I was eating better all the way across the board then it really wouldn't matter if I drank my calories.
When I began watching Biggest Loser this season, one of the first things they said to the contestants was that they were to avoid drinking their calories because it could sabatoge their weight loss.
That got me thinking. A typical 20 oz bottle of Coke has 240 calories, 75 mg of sodium and a whopping 65g of sugar.(Nutritional information taken from the back of a Coke bottle). 240 Calories. When you are limiting your calories, that 240 calories are calories that you have wasted. Which means, at the end of the day, you are missing out on nutrients that are vital to your health and your weight loss.
Not to mention that those "large" sized soft drinks that you purchase with your meals are almost twice the size of a 20oz bottle of Coke. Which means, in one meal, you have the potential to drink nearly 400 calories.
One of the things that I have noticed is that it isn't so much what you eat, though eating the right stuff does have an effect, it is how you eat. So if you are filling your body with bottles of Coke and Pepsi, you are setting yourself up for an extremely hard time losing that weight.
Diet pop, while it doesn't have calories, can be just as bad for your body. Because it doesn't have calories, people tend to think that they can drink more of it. It still has sugar and sodium in it. You are still adding those to your body.
I hate plain water. I like something that has a little taste to it. So you can buy water that is flavored with lemon, berries, grapes, things like that. Or, you can add a wedge of lemon or lime to your glass of water.
Tea is also a good alternative. Tea bags usually carry between 0 to 5 calories per bag. Now, I like my tea sweetened just a little bit. So, instead of adding Splenda, I now use 1/2 to 1 teaspoon of sugar in the raw. I am especially fond of fresh brewed Green Tea with organic honey and lemon juice.
The point is, when it comes to meeting your calorie intake for the day, don't drink it. Instead focus on eating foods that are organic, fresh, and chocked full of nutrients your body needs.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
It's a learning process
When I first started out on this weight loss journey, I thought that it would be a lot easier than it has been. While I didn't expect the pounds to fly off, I atleast expected to see results. What I didn't expect was how emotionally challenging--and rewarding--this would be.
Over the course of the last few weeks, I have amped up the weight loss journey. I made a proclamation on Twitter that I would run the Chicago Marathon in 2011. It is now 12 months and one week away. I realize that if I am to actually compete in the marathon I really need to step things up a bit. I really need to take more accountability for what I put into my body.
It is a learning process.
There are times that I want to just say "forget it" and just accept that the way that I am now is the way that I will always be.
But, it isn't acceptable.
So, I learn.
I learn what my eating triggers are. I learn how to control what I eat. I learn how to eat. Yes, I said how.
But I also learn about me.
Its a learning process
One that is forever changing. No two days are the same. Each day brings new challenges.
I am learning as I go....
I am learning that i am strong enough to do this. I am learning that I want better for my family and for myself.
Perhaps the most important part of this learning process...
I am learning to love me.
Over the course of the last few weeks, I have amped up the weight loss journey. I made a proclamation on Twitter that I would run the Chicago Marathon in 2011. It is now 12 months and one week away. I realize that if I am to actually compete in the marathon I really need to step things up a bit. I really need to take more accountability for what I put into my body.
It is a learning process.
There are times that I want to just say "forget it" and just accept that the way that I am now is the way that I will always be.
But, it isn't acceptable.
So, I learn.
I learn what my eating triggers are. I learn how to control what I eat. I learn how to eat. Yes, I said how.
But I also learn about me.
Its a learning process
One that is forever changing. No two days are the same. Each day brings new challenges.
I am learning as I go....
I am learning that i am strong enough to do this. I am learning that I want better for my family and for myself.
Perhaps the most important part of this learning process...
I am learning to love me.
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