Cleaning out the closets

Well, I did it. Probably one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever done. I took my XXL clothes and retired them. I have been wearing XXL for EVER. When I would buy clothes, I would automatically choose the XXL. It is my comfort zone. What I know. Being a XXL is all I have ever known. Even just the other day when I bought new clothes, I automatically reached for the XXLs...you know, just in case.

Just in case, what? In case I stay fat? In case I...fail? That isn't an option. Going back to that way of life, isn't an option. Being that size again is not a thought I even want to entertain. Because, plain and simple, it can't happen.

I will admit, getting rid of my XXL clothes was hard. It was like removing my safety net. Those XXL shirts were always there for me to hide behind when I gained weight. I could hide behind those shirts and eat...and gain...as much as my chubby heart desired.

But, by keeping those items in my closet, I was giving myself permission to fail. I was giving myself permission to gain back the weight, because the clothes were there. Now, with them gone, there is no failing. There is no going back to the way that I was.

Shopping for XL clothes is still weird for me. I feel like I still belong in the Plus size of the stores. I feel like I need to have those XXL shirts in my closet. For so long, being overweight defined ME. It was who I was. I can't hide behind this fat girl anymore. I can't stand here and give myself permission to fail.

So, I've cleaned out my closets. Giving myself permission to move forward and succeed.