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| Via Wiki Commons |
Yesterday, I hit a breaking point. As I sat on the couch, eating like an apocolypse was coming, I realized something. I didn't care. Steve asked me "What about all that hard work?" I shook my head, it didn't matter. At that point, I realized that I had hit bottom and hard.
I knew that if I wanted to go back down the same road I had just come from, that I could just keep on doing what I was doing. Not caring. But, if I wanted to finally get a handle on things, finally shut my fat girl up for good and actually win this war, then I was going to have to do something drastic.
So, I called a therapist. Yes, there I said it, I am in therapy now for my eating disorder. I spoke to my therapist for over an hour on the phone today. I told her that I didn't know why I was calling her, that I was certain that if I just got my head back into things, that I could get a grip on my eating. She listened quietly while I listed all the reasons why therapy wasn't for me. She listened to me say that I can do this on my own. When there was break in my rambling she asked me "So, why did you call me?" I was silent. In my heart I knew why I called her. But my head didn't want to admit that I was that flawed. Finally I whispered "I need help."
Admiting that I need help, that this is bigger than me was hard. I don't like admiting that I need help. I have this perception of what I should be. And needed to seek help for an eating disorder is not in that perception.
We covered a lot of ground during our conversation today. I felt raw and exposed. But, I also felt good. I felt new. A glimmer of hope returned.
It's okay to admit that you need help. Sometimes life is bigger than us. It doesn't mean I am weak. It doesn't mean that I am any less of a person.
It simply means...
I'm human.
I would so go to a therapist if I could. Its a good thing! So is admitting that you need help!! Good luck with it!
ReplyDeleteAsking for help is so important. Good for you. We're all human. I think if we could look inside the few people around us who we think have it all together, we'd learn the real story.
ReplyDeleteI always try to look for the good things in my life when I start to feel on the edge. It usually helps. Knowing that the rest of the world is just as crazy as me helps too. Thanks for sharing your crazieness.
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So true... It seems to be a tough hurdle, and it isn't always easy, it isn't just one time, it's tough each time you need to ask for help. But each time you do and you feel that glimmer of hope you'll continue to learn how important it is to do. And maybe, just maybe, after the third, or twentieth, or the 497th time it will finally feel like you couldn't imagine NOT asking for help. (hugs)
ReplyDeleteHello. Came across your blog in BlogFrog. Good for you seeking help to a problem so many of us struggle with.
ReplyDeleteRead your post again this morning. I don't think ANY of us decided one day....... "My goal is to be fat!" I think we ALL can take a page out of your book, and realize that we all have issues which led us to become over weight in the first place. Whether we seek help through a therapist, prayer, family and friends, or get our help by reading blogs of those that are also struggling, we all need a little help from somewhere.
ReplyDeleteThere is no harm in admitting that you need help. Every time, everyone needs help from someone. We are society and society can not live without help.
ReplyDeleteYou yourself said that Life is bigger than our egoes... certainly...
Good Luck...